Chainsaws, axes. Honestly, I’m surprised more lumberjacks don’t get into the slasher biz. It’s certainly a more sustainable line of work. After all, we’re losing trees at a faster rate than people.

So, what else are you supposed to do with all those biting, cutting, pulping instruments readily at your disposal? You at least want to use ‘em until the warranties run out, right?

I guess the real question is—if you’re gonna move from chopping down trees to chopping down co-eds—where’s the money coming from?

Why don’t you finish that stack of flapjacks, and we can discuss that…